I had also originally planned to do this masssssssssive entry with all this shit but then I realised that I just couldn’t be bothered. Plus, 2009 wasn’t even that great anyway.

Okay, so, it wasn’t that bad I suppose. I liked it at the start. A lot. Ya know, Rocky Horror, being in love, feeling optimistic about everything. That of course all fell away at one point, but ya know. Haha, gosh, I was so dramatic at that point in time. I mean, at the time, I was like, totally.. not good.. but now I look back and find it amusing as. And, ya know, now that I think about it, thank fuck that all happened because seriously, I’m so awesome now. Like, c’mon, I’m so fucking hilarious and you know it. I like to think of the horrible time of this year as like, this.. detox sorta thing. Where I just got everything bad out and now I’m all back to my hilariously cynical self. Awesome.

I keep saying that I’ve done nothing and that nothing has happened this year, but I’ve done quite a bit when you really think about it. I mean, I’ve had the ability to write something here nearly every single day, so like, that’s gotta count for something, right?

Now I feel like being reeeally reflective and all this shit, but I have to stop and go out now. Shame. I don’t even wanna go anywhere. It’s too hot and I feel and look like shit. Oh well.

So yeah, um, thanks for reading this past year if you’ve done so. Doesn’t it feel totally weird thinking that it’s almost a whole year since you first started being a stalker and reading about my little life? It’s so fucking weird. Like, what? Way to be over 2009. Freak.

I guess the question remains: will I continue this blog in 2010? Hm. Well, who knows. I don’t. Which is a problem considering I own this blog and I should know stuff, but I really haven’t given it much thought. To paraphrase Gretel from one of the series of Big Brother, it’s anyone’s guess.

Um.. yeah. I have nothing else. Fucking sun. Cunt. So hot right now. Gosh.

For ze last time for zis year..

As you were.

But that’s another story anyway. The point is, my iPhone is lovely. It’s just so perfect that I’m questioning its perfection. I keep looking at it thinking, “Gosh, what else can I do? Because surely, I don’t have a miracle sitting on my desk right now.” I’m fairly sure that my battery is draining kinda fast though, so I’m gonna have to see why that is. I’ll probably have to get rid of some of the things I’ve installed – and baby, have I installed! There’s so much stuff on there right now. I probably don’t even remember all the helpful things that I’ve put on there. But ya know, whatever. I just like having yet another thing I can beautify (*ignores the frustration felt whilst playing around with it yesterday*).

Anyway, today was hot. It still is. Although right now I’m sitting under the aircon and it’s simply amazing. I dare to say that I’m kinda cold.

I woke up at a reasonable time today, which is good. I thought I’d have the house to myself for hours but alas, that didn’t happen. At lunch time my aunty/uncle/cousins/sister-who-was-at-their-place came over for a swim. I kinda freaked out cause I wasn’t expecting anyone (no, I wasn’t wanking, gosh) to show up and then I heard the side gate open and I was all, WTF, cause it obviously indicated that a murderer was at my place. But no, they just thought I’d be asleep so they went through the side, but still.

I’ve had a lovely day today, by the way. Just lounging around. Doin’ mah thang. I had a conversation with my cat at one point. It wasn’t the deepest of conversations but it did me good nonetheless.

Anyway, I think I’m either gonna go and frustrate myself by playing stupid Super Mario Bros. Wii (fuck you world five castle, fuck you) or just.. sit somewhere. I guess I could actually do both at the same time… multitasking! :D

Oh, also, I’d like to welcome Ben to Melbourne! Woo! Melbourne! Yeah! How was the MCG? Sunburned? Ha, sucks to be you Ben. Sucks to be you.

As you were.

And that’s where the “fuck you” comes into things.

It’s probably not fair to say “fuck you jailbreaking.” It makes more sense to say, “fuck you Jake and your OCD, perfectionist ways.” But whatever. It’s not my fault that I have to have everything perfect and it’s not my fault that it’s extremely hard to make everything perfect. So yeah, I woke up late after wanting to wake up early and then I just spent the whole day trying to make everything look amazing. I got close to amazing at one point but then something was a little off and it just made me want to go and kill myself.

Ya know, I really should have seen this coming. I should have realised that my OCD, perfectionist, designer ways would just get in the way.

I’ve given up for the next half an hour because I was seriously close to just throwing my phone at a wall. Or just unjailbreaking it. But I can’t do either of them because I want my phone to be in good physical form and to look pretty as well. So yeah.

I haven’t eaten today because of this customising! I better be able to go and make it look lovely or else I shall be raaather fucked off. Cunts.

As you were.

I really couldn’t be bothered going to work today at all. A good time was had just sitting around watching TV and all that. But then I found out that today I got paid double on account of it being a public holiday (I had no idea it was even a public holiday) so it made it all okay. But it was kinda hot as I was driving there so I was kinda annoyed about that. But whatever, it’s not like the place isn’t air conditioned and under the air conditioner is where I stayed for a good portion of my shift.

Do you love that I don’t really do anything at work? Like, for a lot of the time I just stood around on my phone playing games and eating food. Hahaha, gosh. Whoever said that working is hard is a stupid head. It’s terribly simple. You just stand there and do whatever. :) But like, ya know. At one point I felt kinda bad for not doing anything (not that I was the only one not doing anything, but yeah) so I asked for something to do and my manager was just like, “Why would you want to do anything? Just have a snack box and chill.” So that’s what I did. :)

I finally got to work with my proper manager today, by the way. She’s awesome as. I feel weird saying her name though. “Carling” is such an odd name to me. *shrugs*

Oh, wanna know something interesting? It seems that I’m taller than all the other guys that work there. How does that work? I dunno. But I’m not complaining. :)

Um, oh, one customer decided to crack the shits at Georgia for forgetting like, chips or something. Anyway, it was stupid. Carling essentially told him to go get fucked, which was fun to watch. I want someone to yell at me so that I can be all, “Shut up you cock” and then have Carling come and say the same thing to them when they complain about me swearing at them. :D

I got KFC for dinner after work. You know, I can get used to getting extra food for free. ;)

As you were.

At one point I thought it had worked. It had for the most part. Then I was just not getting any signal so all my phone was was a glorified iPod Touch. That wasn’t good. Upon attempting to fix that little issue, I momentarily turned my phone into what all the geeky guys refer to as a “brick.” As in, completely useless. It was a pretty long “moment” actually. It lasted about half an hour. I was so worn out from trying to do it all day that I didn’t have any strength to physically cry, but I sure as Hell wanted to. It was tragic. I somehow got it to fix though and for some reason I thought it’d be good to try and jailbreak it one more time.

Wrong.

It just stuffed up again. So, you know what? Fuck you. I don’t even care. I’ve restored my phone to factory settings and until I can muster up enough courage, strength and <insert something else here> then I’m fine with Apple controlling my every iPhone-based move.

To make myself feel better, I decided to play Super Mario Bros. Um, yeah, that game has it’s hard parts and of course I just had to bump into all these hard parts today. Feeling better? Hardly!

So, today was wasted trying to be all cool and technological. My hair is flat today because it dried weird and I have a blocked nose. My left hand is hurting really bad right now from typing this and I don’t really know why. I don’t think I’m gonna say that today was a “good” day. I think I’ll go listen to the radio via my TV (yay for Foxtel!) and dance around my living room.

As you were.

P.S: Haha, I’m not actually as depressed as this sounds. Just so ya know. :)

When I think of Beyoncé, I don’t really think of this “ghetto bitch” and she tries to act like it in the video and it’s just the funniest thing in the entire world. Lady GaGa is hilarious in it as well. Like, she just stands there and goes all spastic. I watched the making of it and it was the cutest thing. I can’t be bothered going to find it now, but if you want, you can and be amused and all that jazz.

So, apart from dancing around to Video Phone and sitting around in my underwear playing Super Mario Bros., I’ve done absolutely nothing today. I had my first sleep in since my little drunk night and it was good. I like sleeping. I also was still super full from yesterday so I didn’t have to eat much today, which meant I got to sit down for longer. Haha, that makes me sound lazy as.

Everyone was all like, “BOXIIINGGG DAYYY SALEZZZZ!” and shit and at one point I wanted to go shopping, but then I realised that it’s just dumb. Why do I want to go to shops when they’re gonna be extra full of people? Why do I want to make myself annoyed and get all stressed and tired and shit? Not necessary. I don’t mind paying actual money for stuff anyway. Gosh.

I can’t be fucked writing shit today. Seriously.

As you were.

We left, got stuck in traffic cause of people who can’t drive and when we got to our grandparent’s I started feeling really anxious and nervous and I don’t even know why. It was all good though, cause yeah. My grandfather is looking better than he has been the last few times I’ve seen him, which is nice. At one point we were just watching Channel V together and Fergalicious came on and it was just really amusing sitting there watching that video with him. It confused him, as most videos do. Surprisingly though he understood/liked the Bad Romance video, so there ya go.

Anyway I ate so much. Soooo much. At one point I gave up on walking and just rolled around the house. But even when my aunty (the one who is currently living there/driving my grandparents crazy) came out with her HOME MADE CAKES.. everyone, seriously, you need to know that she MADE THEM HERSELF! FROM SCRATCH! Like, holy shit. She’s just soooooooo amazing. Well done. Did you hear? You want me to repeat that again? She made them, right, by herself. From scratch. Everything from scratch. That woman is amazing.

*rolls eyes*

But yes, I had to eat that because it was.. there. I dunno. Everything that was put near me just went in my mouth. Whatever. It happens.

Do you love that my grandparents have a sense of humour? They gave me a present when I was just expecting an envelope and I opened it and it was just underwear and I was like, “Ohhh.. yeah. Sure. Thanks. Lovely. Best present ever” and they were like, “Don’t be stupid” and they gave me my money. :D

Do you also love that the second my aunty and uncle left the house to go somewhere else my grandparents just started bitching about them? Haha, it was hilarious. They were jussst out the door and my grandfather gets up (mind you, it’s hard for him to do that these days) and just started imitating my aunty. It’s hard to explain because you don’t know her, but she’s mental. You might get that from what I was just saying about her HOME COOKED STUFF! She just has to let you know how amazing she is and all this and she just spends money on bullshit that she can’t even afford. She’s just spaz. Like, I like her, but she’s still ridiculous. But yeah.

After we left there we went over to our family friend’s house to drop off presents and stuff. That was fun I thought. I think I may have mentioned here before that Francis’ (family friend) nephew used to be this super weird freako kid and then he turned eighteen, came out, and just started not being super weird. Yeah, he’s cool now and stuff. He’s amusing actually. I keep expecting him to just start going mental like he used to, but no, we just sat around talking about how hot Jared Leto is, hahaha. Oh, but then I gave him my number/got his and I thought that was a bit weird. Like, I dunno. I guess we’re.. friends now? *shrugs* It deffs won’t be anything more than that because.. no. I mean, on New Year’s Eve (cause we’re going there) I might make out with him if I get bored, but yeah. I don’t think I could date him because it’s like, family friend shit. It’s not something that I even need to bring up, but I thought I would anyway in case someone thought, “Oh hey, got a number, ey? Get married!” or some shit. Yeah. Haha.

There was some American guy there too. He was cool and American. :)

Oh, and this other lady kept telling me how adorable and cute I am. Yay. :D

I’ve come home now and counted my money/gift cards and I’m set for a lot of stuff. So yay for that. I’ve also been playing Super Mario Wii. Well, I’ve been yelling and screaming at it. Hahaha, seriously, so fun. I haven’t been this scared/excited during a game since I first got Mario Kart, hahaha. Some things have been annoying me about it though, but when I think about them they aren’t even worth mentioning. It’s just, yeah. Oh, I’ve also been listening to my little Christmas playlist:

I like to end on a positive note, as you can see. :P

I’ve actually been listening to those songs every Christmas for the last few years. Excluding Lady GaGa of course.

I’ve been avoiding saying this for the whole day because that’s how I roll, but, Merry Christmas! :)

As you were.

P.S. Jerry the Christmas frog escaped whilst we were gone. That, or the cat ate him.

Um, so, hm. After I woke up and found my clothes (hahaha omg I feel so embarrassed it isn’t even funny; I’m so sorry) and just collapsed on Maree’s couch for a bit (biggest headache I swear) I got Jane to drive me and Alex to Westfield so mum could take us both home. The whole car ride I felt so sick. Like, I just felt like I was going to vomit. That wouldn’t have been very fun. No, not at all. Getting home was one of the best things in the entire world. Having a shower was fucking amazing. I was so dirty though. Yuck. I had like, grass stains all over me and just mud and omg, I don’t want to talk about it.

Food was good. I ate so much “breakfast” and then I realised that maybe not be good cause I might just throw it all up, but it did me good. I liked it. I was just so tired and hungry. I don’t know. Whatever.

Every Christmas Eve, we go and do stuff with my dad’s side of the family. So we did that tonight. Kind of boring I guess. I don’t really enjoy family gatherings. It’s evil these days especially because like, I’m not five or something so I don’t even get presents. Like, I do, but the little kids definitely get more. One of my aunties bought me something (and nobody else; kinda awkward) but if she didn’t then I’d only have two presents from that whole side of the family. And there’s a lot of people. So like, it’s just stupid really.

There was a brief moment where one of my presents was lost and I was like, “Great, my very own grandma forgot I exist” and I was ready to post something to FML or tweet something or whatever. Luckily it was found. The present itself isn’t very exciting, but it’s the principle.

I don’t know, the whole thing was just a blur kinda because I just felt sick. I kept finding all these cuts on my arms as well. Kinda weird. Expected, but weird.

My cousin’s son Liam is one of my favourite people in the world right now though. He’s such a little performer. He dances and sings and it’s just so cute. It’s very me, and I like all things me. Except when I have alcohol in me. Seriously, never again. Seriously. Argh I just.. I don’t want to talk about it.

So, I convinced mum to let me open my presents early and I’m gonna go and play Super Mario Bros. on Wii. OMG AM I LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT GAME OR WHAT?! So excited! :D :D :D

As you were.

Anyway, what’s up? Nothing? Yeah, me neither. I’m too sick to do anything today. Okay, maybe I’m not sick sick.. I have a cold though so feel sorry for me, yeah? Got woken up by my sister today because she was bored without me. Aw, I’m obviously the best brother. Kind of annoying though because she decided to wake me up just as I was… hm. Haha, fill in the blanks, people. Fill in those blanks. With what, Jake? What shall we fill those blanks in with? Well, hopefully you (if you are a boy) were more successful with your “alone time” this morning so you could use whatever you, uh, received during said time. Might be a bit sticky and probably kinda cold by now though. Tragic.

Enough masturbation talk dammit! Oh, there goes my attempted subtlety. Whatever. The point is, I probably could have gone out tonight and hooked up. But I didn’t. Do I regret that? Not really. I know, shocking, but please. I have excuses. One, I was sick and God forbid I make some cute guy sick as well. I’m so freakin’ considerate. And two, (two? what do you mean just two?) there is no way in Hell that Minus would be playing Green Day and sorry, but bitch please, I felt like listening to Green Day today. I did that. I feel satisfied. I could probably feel a lot more satisfied had my sister woken me up a couple of minutes later, but you know.

You know the days when you just want to listen to Green Day? You don’t? Well, you’re a douche. But if you do, then I love you and we should just chill one day listening to Kerplunk! and Dookie and all that. We’d definitely be.. HAVING A BLAST! Oh, har har! I’m so hilarious and punny. Bow down before me, bitches.

There was one moment where I kinda wished I had trudged along to Minus and that was also the moment I noticed that I have a lot of gay friends on Facebook. But ya know. I actually don’t even know them. How MySpace of me.

I’m making this blog entry somewhat interesting even though I haven’t done anything all day today. Is it working? It better be. I mean, it’s not much effort for me to be funny and interesting considering I’m just so astoundingly funny and interesting anyway, but <insert some awesome sentence ending here that makes everyone amazed and all that jazz>

I’m getting a haircut tomorrow and then I’m going to sleep at Maree’s house.. well, in her backyard. Yay. But about the haircut, gosh. I’ve never (in recent years) gone to the hairdressers just for a haircut. I don’t know how I’m gonna resist just putting some form of hair dye in my hair. Yesterday I was contemplating going blond because Fahreta dyed her hair brown and I think it’d be mildly humorous if we essentially swapped hair colours, but then I realised that I can do a lot more with brown hair than blond hair in terms of clothes (it makes sense; think about it) and yeah. :)

It’s hot in here. Why? Stupid.. OMG IT’S GONNA BE SO HOT TOMORROW I’M GONNA DIE AND DIE AND THEN DIE SOME MORE OMG! DIIIIIIE!

On that slightly psychotic note, I shall.. stop.

As you were.

Amazing dream. Interrupted by the fact that I had to wake up and go to work. Stupid. Wasn’t looking forward to it at the time. I just wanted to stay home and maybe go back to sleep so that I could take over a country to make it my party country or something like that. Yeah, I’m all hip and cool and want a party country. But alas, I had to leave the house. It turns out, the outside world is dangerous. I almost got hit by a car. Granted, I was too busy listening to Green Day (it makes me feel empowered; empowered to serve people greasy chicken) to actually pay attention to the road, but oi, I’m the fucking President. I shouldn’t have to waste my precious eyes looking both ways.

Whatever. I survived. I’m a survivor. I got to work. Almost an hour early actually. Luckily there are other shops around so I could just chill out for a bit. I bumped into Little Alex and Dao when I strutted into Kmart, which was fun. We looked at toys for a while. Toys are fun. Except when you expect them to make noise and they only light up. Disappointing.

Little Alex and Dao decided they wanted to eat KFC, which I thought was kinda awkward. Like, I went with them and stuff, but it meant I was actually at work twenty minutes early and it was just weird. Like, “Oh hello. I am using you to buy food but in a moment I shall be getting used myself. How are you?”

After having a discussion about death and year twelve (both subjects go hand in hand) I went and “clocked on.” Gosh. I feel like.. something.. that.. clocks on. The point is, I hate my number. It’s 1213008. Why can’t I be 007? Fucking bitch who has that number should go and burn in Hell and give me her number on the way down there.

Work was fun. I’m totally the coolest one there. It’s unofficial at the moment, but it’s definitely gonna be official soon. There was some new manager there tonight and he failed at the English language which made for humorous little jokes with the other members of staff. The new manager person was stupid anyway. How dare he make me do things. I’m Jake. I do not clean. Fuck you. Oh, and excuse me, but you can’t make me clean and then make me clean once again ten minutes later when there is clearly nothing to clean because nobody had come in during those ten minutes. Ridiculous. I let him have a piece of my mind by “accidentally” throwing a piece of chicken at him.

I was forced to interact with the fat, disgusting, pay-over-a-hundred-dollars-for-shit people tonight. One lady decided that I didn’t give her enough chips. Oh yeah? Really? Well, let me just rearrange the chips in the box so it looks like there’s more in there when I actually didn’t put any more in there.

It was a fun night anyway. Funner than last time. This time I didn’t have to make/wrap stupid burgers. It’s much easier walking to the fridge and getting a Pepsi Max (we’re out of normal Pepsi, as I heard repeated a thousand times tonight) for some fat idiot. It’s also lovely being all, “Oh, would you look at the time? See ya!” when the place just started to get busy.

The point is, I am yet to buy anything with my own money and it’s kinda annoying me in a way because why else am I working if I’m not going to use the money I make? But then I like the fact that I have money and I don’t want to spend it. Stupid Dangerfield breaking my spirits with your nice but expensive clothes. In case you’re wondering (and I don’t know how you would be) I haven’t stopped complaining to anyone that will listen about how expensive the clothes there are. Bitches. Hate you. But still kinda like you because you make the people on The 7pm Project look nice. And without them looking nice, the world would surely end.

Total déjà vu moment at the moment! Argh!

Oh, and, muahaha :D :D :D <3

As you were.